Derek,
I can't believe I don't have any pictures from today. It doesn't even matter though because that isn't on my mind. I don't know how to describe today. Miserable, lonely, a stab to my existence? Maybe it was from the lack of sleep last night with Kael getting out of bed and coming trying to lay by me all night long, or his hot sweaty body kicking and turning, or maybe it was his sea horse blaring loud melodious music in my ears at 3 am? Whatever it was today started out frustrating. I wouldn't call today a bad day. Maybe long? Maybe frustrating.
My point is, I missed you like crazy. I miss the way you smell. I miss your deodorant. I miss your cologne. I miss that hissing sound you make when you clean your teeth. I miss your breath. I miss leaning my ear against your chest and hearing and feeling your heart beat. I miss being too hot and svweaty to snuggle on the couch and putting a blanket between us just so we can be close while watching a movie. I miss being able to tell you "I love you" a thousand times a day and not even really realizing how often I say it out of habit, but that each and every time I mean it so truly and so deeply. I miss the way my heart skips a beat when you kiss me after a long day of school, kids, and life. The way you take my breath away. I miss your lips. Mmmmm Mmmmm Mmmmm. The way your lips taste and smell. Can lips smell? I believe so. Your lips are perfect! I miss trying to give you a peck on the lips while you are trying to rush out the door with food in your mouth and only getting to peck your perfect cheek. It's rough scratchy, yet somehow soft at the same time, perfectness. I miss seeing you walk in the door after a long day at school and seeing your eyes brighten when you hear Kael and Eden crying out to you. I miss going shopping with you and having you pinch my bottom and me thinking it is a complete stranger, then realizing you just needed to pinch my bottom. wink wink. I love the way you smile after you accomplish pinching my bottom or teasing me just to perfection. I love the way you smile when you tell me you love me. I love the way you get little tiny wrinkles by your eyes when you smile really big. I love staring at your perfect blue eyes and wondering how they got their perfection and hoping our kids eyes are just like yours.
While you are away, I love staring at our children and seeing you. Seeing all the good in them. I see you. You are so perfect for me. You complete me and I am not whole without you. I know this time will be short compared to most things and especially eternity, however, it seems like eternity to me right now at this moment. I love you. I love being with you. Please don't forget how much I love you, how much you mean to me, how proud of you I am, how grateful I am for your support and love, and for being there for me.
I can't wait to see your smile again. Hurry home because I don't know how much longer I can last without you in my arms, or being held in yours.
Love,
Waiting not so patiently
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