So much has been said in the last 6 months since the Ordain Women movement started. I want to document my thoughts on it. I have tried and tried to find peace with the situation... It has been difficult. I felt so much peace listening to conference and the words of the Apostles were amazing. I felt more love and kindness to these ladies, that I haven't felt before. It's not that I haven't tried to understand where they are coming from. One thing I have been uncomfortable with were all the negative comments directed at these women. The Savior would never act like that.
In my search to have peace on the matter, I came to realize why it was so hard to find.
This movement feels like an attack on ME. On womanhood. Here these women are trying to HELP women, and yet it feels like an attack. I can see areas where there is "inequality" in the church, however I feel no malice about this. I feel peace and happiness. I feel no need to justify my position. And, then when this movement happened, I have felt that need to justify my position of who I am and why, so heavy on my shoulders it almost seemed a burden to be a woman.
Back story.
When Derek and I were first married I got into nursing school. This was an amazing opportunity and something I so desperately wanted! I love medicine! I love serving others! I love taking care of the sick and afflicted and being a comfort for them. This is something deep in my heart. I originally wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to have so much knowledge and to know that "I" had the knowledge to save lives. When I met Derek I told him these desires, but I more importantly told him that I wanted to be a wife and mother more than anything. As a young girl I used to think I'd be the worlds youngest Mom. "yaaaaaaaa, I was like 8, so give me a break"... I used to dream about the man I would marry. This wasn't just ingrained in me because of my religion although that helped this dream to take shape. Derek helped direct me to something I could do for both of my dreams "nursing". When he got on board and decided he wanted to be the man that stood by my side through it all he told me quite frankly that he would do just that, "stand by my side through it all" whatever that might be. If I wanted to go to medical school he would do it, if I wanted to be a nurse he would do it, if I wanted to stay at home as a Mom he would make enough money for me to do that! Wow, I found a keeper for sure. I went with nursing school because in reality that was a more realistic job for me to be home with our future children.
I did get into nursing school. I bought all the books. I bought my new scrubs. I landed an awesome job in the emergency room. I had my awesome husband. BUT, something wasn't right. My heart had never been so troubled my entire life, which was weird because I had just found my eternal companion.
After our first summer together just one week before I was suppose to start nursing school I knew I needed to stop. I needed to stop right then. I quit. I quit working in the emergency room. My dream job... I quit. I quit. I quit. I felt a failure and yet I felt a weight off my shoulders. Never in my life would I let myself quit anything! I went to the Philippines when I was 16. My first weekend there I got sick. I was in the hospital. My parents told me it was ok to come home. To call it good. No, I don't quit. Two weeks later I got sick again. Worse. I had typhoid fever. I was in the hospital for a week. Again, my parents called, come home. It's ok. No I won't quit! A volcano erupted. Again, you can come home. Not yet. Then, September 11th happened. My parents didn't know if they could get me home. "I will come and get you!" No. I won't quit. I did it. I stayed 11 months despite so many things telling me to quit.
Here I was before I even started nursing school and I was, quitting. I didn't quit in the Philippines, but I knew that this time I had to quit. Although maybe that's not the right word... I had to follow direction.
We had decided it wasn't the right time to have children yet. So why quit? The perfect time to complete my education and I quit.
I got an amazing job at a doctor's office as a medical assistant. I loved this job. I worked there for two years before we had our son Kael. I was then able to stay at home with him.
Finally, I found the "job" I was called to. It was harder than any "job" I'd ever had.
This doesn't explain why I quit. It wasn't to have babies. I could be a nurse and only work once a month and call it good. My husband would do what was necessary for me to be happy. I found my happiness. I never really knew why I quit, I just knew I needed to. Heavenly Father asked me to, and so I did.
For the past 7 years I have felt the need to explain when asked "what do you do?". My heart would tighten a little, and then I ALWAYS felt the need to explain this back story, "Well, I'm a stay at home Mom, BUT I did get into nursing school. I quit because it just wasn't the right time."
This justification for why I didn't finish. Why I quit. It is ridiculous! I don't NEED to justify.
I know now... 3 children later. This is my calling. Nursing is a part of that calling. It is taking care of my baby girl when she had pneumonia and was in the hospital for a week. Nursing, when my two girls are up all night throwing up every half hour. I am a nurse when I take care of my little boy with a fever and in pain. I'm also an accountant, a receptionist, a life organizer, medical school planner, chef, cleaner, party planner, judge, interior designer, educator, etc.
I DON'T HAVE TO JUSTIFY. I do need to educate. Heavenly Father has bigger plans for us than we know. I stand by my husbands side. I sustain him as our priesthood holder in our family. I do not need to justify! I could easily have gone to nursing school. I need to be proud when I state how important family is to me. How important it is to have my HUSBAND preside over our family. He is not dominating. He is not unkind. He leads and guides. As long as he leads and guides in accordance to what Heavenly Father needs/wants of our family he has that authority for our family.
My role as a wife and mother is just a strong a role as my husband's to preside and provide. VERY different. My husband presided when we needed it most. His role helped me to know my role as the glue that keeps our family together. THE FAMILY: A PROCLAMATION TO THE WORLD.
Here I find love and comfort. The family is essential to HIS church.
"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love... Mothers are primarily responsible to the nurturing of their children".
In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.
Here the proclamation tells us to help each other as equal partners. We have divine roles. In today's society the phrase "preside over" makes it seem unequal. We need leadership and by divine organization men happen to be the ones who preside.
No matter what, it is an earthly view that men and women are unequal in the church.
These are my thoughts. I am NOT a quitter. I did NOT quit nursing school. I chose the higher calling. I need to advocate for the family! For the families roles. My role as a woman. I am not just my uterus. I didn't have to have children to fulfill my earthly role as a nurturer. My husband, friends, extended family need lots of nurturing. The world itself needs nurturing.
Sister Margaret Nadauld said it great.
“Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity.”
― Margaret D. Nadauld
The more I learn about the Ordain Women movement I find myself learning to love a little more. I do. I love them and their questions and desires. I guess my hope is that they will try to love me for me. On their website this was in their fact page...
Do most Mormon women want the time commitment and responsibility of ordination?
Mormon women already give countless hours of essential service and have many delegated responsibilities in the Church. As the burden of leadership roles in the church rotates among lay members, the time commitment of most women will not likely change with ordination. However, we believe the satisfaction women experience in service would be enhanced, if they had the institutional authority to define and oversee their responsibilities, and the power of God with them to carry out their sacred duties.
I believe the true answer to this question is simply "NO".
Here is why. I have the power of God with me to carry out my sacred duties. Most time commitment with women WILL change with ordination. I can't imagine having the priesthood will make my service life more enhanced. I already have institutional authority to define and oversee my responsibilities. My husband provides this in our home. I have the priesthood in my home and even if my husband dies, I have a ward family to bless my family. Again, most important I HAVE the power of God with me to carry out my sacred duties. Every time I am called to a calling I have hands laid on my head to give me that power.
What I don't think the movement recognizes is that "IF" women were given the priesthood "ALL" worthy women would receive it whether they are ready for it or not. My calling, my role as stated in the proclamation to the family is so complete! I cannot fathom adding the priesthood and all that entails with it. Someday, maybe Heavenly Father will bless women with this power, and then I better get on board, but for now, this is the desire of my heart.
If women receive the priesthood they will be called to callings which would take them away from the home as the primary nurturer. It would take away from that divine calling. I do not believe that all that it would add in this earthly life would overcome that which it takes away. The family is being attacked on all fronts and it is WOMEN who are needed to nurture it. Our responsibility is great. Our call is heavy.
It is with deep concern that I feel it would take women away from the home. It is not a sexist belief to feel that women are needed at home. Women can do many things in today's society. We have come leaps and bounds. But, it is not an unknown fact that women are leaving the home. And that is why I wrote my thoughts.
The family is being attacked on so many levels and having women leave the home is another one of those methods... I feel my role as a woman is being attacked. I think that is why so many women are saying so many harsh things to and about the Ordain Women movement. It just feels like another attack on women who are already trying so hard to fulfill their divine role of nurturing the family. One more thing to take away from women, or to add to their plate. I'm not attacking this movement. I have seen many women feel oppressed, under appreciated, hurt, judged, and so on. These women want to ask why. That is great. We should always ask questions. I did. I asked why when I quit nursing school... I got my answer. It was different than I wanted, but in the end it was the BEST answer I could have gotten.
I could have gone to nursing school. I could have worked as a nurse. I could have been a great many things. My calling however is to my family. To help them reach their eternal glory. I am essential to them. I will serve my whole life to fulfill that calling and when I've helped my family along this journey I will also help other families. I will serve and help along the way in any capacity I can to save the family. This will continue into the eternities.
I didn't QUIT nursing school. I signed on as a happy homemaker! I fulfilled and am fulfilling my divine role to nurture my family. There are so many distractions in the world that could take me away from this.
So from now on, when asked what are YOU doing? I will proudly state that I am a divine daughter of God and I feel my divine role is to nurture my children and family and I stay at home to do that.
This I can do.
.jpg)
