Connor with Mom and Dad

In no random order here are the photos when Derek FINALLY got to hold him a week or so after Connor was born.

Eventually the big kiddos were able to come see Connor too.

And he got stronger and stronger!

Connor's first days

We were the lucky ones remember... This is all we had to deal with. So many other's have surgeries and longer stays than we had. My baby boy was perfect. A little small, needed to learn how to breath, and eat, but otherwise perfect. Soon he would figure it all out and come home. I would get to take him home.

For Derek and I we played it in a sense of ok what do we need to do now and what do we need to do next. And then we took life hour by hour and eventually a few hours at a time, to a day at a time.

It was stressful, but honestly we learned so much. We learned a lot about our little family. We learned we have so many people who love and support us. We learned that we are always in our Heavenly Father's care. We are always watched over.

A special experience I was able to have. While waiting for Connor to come and not knowing when, and how long I would be in the hospital we were solely relying on the help of our friends and neighbors to survive the day to day. We needed help in a big way.

That first night in the hospital I cried a lot and prayed for help. We had planned on Derek's cousin coming to help, but they weren't available until closer to Connor's due date. My Mom had just taken on a lot and was recovering from helping my brother's family, and Derek still needed to work so that when we really needed help and a break he would be there for his 10 days of paternity leave. As I was praying for who could we ask for help my friend from high school, Ashley's name came to my mind. I didn't know if it would even be a possibility for her to come, but I immediately got on my phone and texted her. In the morning I let her know I was serious and she was an angel sent from Heaven. Her sweet Mom watched her two girls for a week so she could hop on a plane and come take care of my girls. She got there about the time I was discharged from the hospital. I know that our Heavenly Father answers our prayers. He is there always. Sometimes he sends Heavenly angels to watch over our sweet babies that are stuck in a NICU and sometimes he sends earthly angels of sweet and kind friends to come and rescue us.

That first month, I had a lot of angels.

Feeding Connor

 I got so lucky. The first 24 hours after I had Connor when I went to visit him they were changing his bed and I was lucky and actually got to hold him. I wouldn't have been able to hold him otherwise because he wasn't suppose to be too disturbed.

 We quickly got familiar with all the wires and hook up for the boy.

 Just a few of his battle wounds.

Connor Everett Bradley (His whole story)

Connor Everett Bradley

7:49 PM

5 lb 2 oz

17.5 inch

34 weeks

It has taken months for me to first get the time to sit down and write Connor's story, and second to be able to look at all the pictures. It was such a whirlwind. I'm so grateful to live in the times we do and to have the technology we have. I'm grateful for my doctors, nurses, friends, family and all the support that has been given to our family. We couldn't have gotten Connor here without a lot of help. While my story seems incredible to me, it really wasn't as bad as so many others out there. I want to start at the beginning. 

Connor was planned. In October 2013 Derek and I had a lot of major decisions to make. We are members of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. We believe we can receive revelation for our needs and Heavenly Father will help us with our choices while we are here on earth. One of the special places we have to feel closer to Heavenly Father and our Savior Jesus Christ is in our temples. There we make covenants and promises and we are blessed in return. We decided for our major decisions we needed to make time to think, ponder, and pray about our life situation. While sitting in the temple on this occasion I was alone and reading in the bible. As I read a very clear thought came into my mind. I would have a son. His name would be Connor. At the time we thought we probably were done having kids, so this was kind of a shocking thought. Derek's work will keep him very busy over the years and this was NOT what we came to ask about. The thought wouldn't leave my mind, and from that moment I knew someday I would have a little boy and I would name him Connor.

I didn't even tell Derek about this special experience for quite a few months because life was quite overwhelming at the time. But, when the time was right we made our decision. We would have another baby and we felt at peace about it even though we knew it would be one of the hardest years for us. Move to a new state away from all of our family with Derek in one of the hardest intern residency spots. But, we had faith we were doing what we were suppose to do and that we would learn life lessons along the way.

Connor's pregnancy was by far my easiest pregnancy. Hands down. I didn't throw up once. I didn't even hardly feel nauseous or pregnant. I was rather small so my back didn't hurt that bad. Other than a virus that wouldn't go away in January it really was the easiest on me. It was still a roller coaster of a ride non-the-less because that's what pregnancy is a swirling roller coaster of emotions and life happening.

We were told at his 20 week ultrasound he was a boy and that my placenta was far from my cervix so a vbac would be possible and I could try to avoid a c-section. He was breech but they were sure he would flip and by my last appointment he had indeed flipped. (I'm certain it was my diving head first in the pool that flipped him. )

We made amazing friends and were blessed with a wonderful church family who had already supported us so much through our tough year.

On Sunday April 26, 2015 we went to church and had a normal day. That night around 7 pm I was reading the kids bed time stories. Kael jumped on my stomach and was playing around and it hurt quite a bit. I felt leaking and thought I had peed my pants (not uncommon for a pregnant lady).

I was going to dismiss it until after the story, but it just didn't seem right. When I went to check I began bleeding. Derek was home and it didn't seem that bad and we weren't sure what it was so we went along our night. I got the kids to bed and sent some text messages just in case. As I started the dishes it happened again. Then, one more time before bed at 10 pm. 

We were worried, but at this point I was only 33 weeks and 4 days along. We didn't want to worry, so we had friends on stand by in case anything got bad and we went to bed and I counted baby kicks. Connor made sure to kick me a lot that night to make sure I knew he was ok.

The next morning I had a doctor's appointment and just wanted to make it to that appointment. I got the kids to school and was able to hug and kiss them goodbye just in case, and was talking to my friend who lived 5 minutes from the hospital. I was going to drop off some clothes to her house and as I lifted the tub of clothes the whole process started over again. I texted Derek that I was now really worried and dropped everything and took Elara to my friends house and went to my appointment. I was in denial. I knew that my water breaking was a possibility, but I kept telling myself it couldn't be because it was just too early. It was one of the longest 20 minutes in the doctors office. When I got back I saw the doctor in the hallway and she immediately asked how I was doing. I replied, "Not well, I'm bleeding". She got really concerned and said, "Let's just go back right now then and check things out".  

She was quite sure my water had indeed broken. I've decided it's got to be one of the toughest jobs to be in medicine and tell someone devastating news. She hugged me and gave me encouragement and was sad with me. I knew what was coming to some extent and it wasn't what I wanted, but I also knew I didn't have a choice. I didn't know what it would entail completely that my water broke so early. I didn't know how long they would let me stay pregnant. The only thing I knew is that I would be in the hospital until I delivered Connor. I knew he would more than likely be in the nicu.

It was one of the hardest things I had to hear yet. And mine wasn't that bad compared to most people. I didn't have to hear "your child has cancer, or you only have so long to live". I learned that everyone has difficulties to varying degrees. It's hard. Life is hard.

Derek immediately texted me and said he just felt he needed to leave work right away and that he was already at home by this point and was packing me a bag. I called him and told him the news and he was able to finish some stuff up.

At this point I was wheeled over to labor and delivery. I snapped this lovely picture after getting my gown on. They wanted me hooked up to the monitors at all times to make sure Connor was doing ok and that I wasn't having contractions. The doctor made an appointment with the high risk doctor since I was now high risk with my water broke. The doctor wasn't sure why I was bleeding, but thought it was a high and slow leak where my placenta was located. This could mean my placenta could have a tear or be pulling away from the uterine wall. All scary things for Connor and me.

It was a long day with a LOT of text messaging and calling friends to arrange childcare. We were so blessed with an amazing support group. Elara stayed at my friend Brianna's house all day and another friend took Eden when she was done at school and another friend picked Kael up from school and even got the poor kid new shoes since his had holes in them. It was on my to do list before baby came...

That night I was admitted to the antepartum area to be monitored until Connor came. I got a high risk ultrasound and Connor thankfully looked amazing. They measured him and said he was close to 5 lbs and 3 oz which would be so great if he came right away. The high risk doctor then determined that it would be best to deliver Connor at 34 weeks no matter what because the risk of infection would be too great compared to how developed he was. It was hard news to hear. I kept thinking with antibiotics I could make it to full term and just stay in the hospital. I knew if they took him at 34 weeks he would go to the nicu. I knew it would be a lot harder for a vbac. It was a grim situation for what I had hoped for. Elara's c-section was so hard for me and the thought of doing it again was not too exciting... My doctor fought so hard for me. She wanted to try to keep Connor in longer to see if I would go into labor on my own, at this point I'd have a random contraction I couldn't ever feel, but they wouldn't check me for fear of causing an infection. When I did have a contraction it wasn't doing anything... So, we waited. I stayed in the hospital all day Tuesday. Derek was able to gather the kids and take them home for the night. Then, get them to school and come back to be with me. We were frantically trying to get help because we just weren't sure what would happen.

We had a friend visit to help pass the time. Then, that night it was decided that if I hadn't gone into labor on my own we would start pitocin since I would be 34 weeks on Wednesday morning the 29th. I had two doses of steroids to help Connor's lungs develop and I was on IV antibiotics in case I got an infection. I was stuck in bed most of the time because we didn't know how long they would let me go without delivering. Once it was determined he would come the next day no matter what I got out of bed and started walking to try and make Connor drop or do anything. It turns out the boy was nice and cozy where he was at. I walked the halls and in the middle of the night I'd do squats. It didn't do anything, but made me feel like at least I did what I could. The next morning my doctor and the high risk doctor came to see me and my doctor checked me. I was "maybe" a half centimeter dilated and 50% effaced... It was not favorable for a vbac in anyway... Things were not looking optimistic and it was time to get baby boy to meet this world whether he was ready or not.

My doctor sent me to labor and delivery and at that point we hooked up the pitocin and got things started. Derek met me at labor and delivery that morning around 8 am. I wasn't allowed to go to the full dose of pitocin and I had to be on the monitors at ALL times. This meant I could not leave the bed and anytime I shifted an inch the monitor would come off and they couldn't read Connor's heart beat. It was so frustrating. I couldn't walk, they did have a squat bar, but whenever I used it Connor's heart beat wouldn't show up... It was fussed over for about an hour before they could reach the full pitocin dose and I was on a time frame. The doctor was going to come at lunch to check me to see if I was dilating. I didn't want an epidural because I didn't want anything to risk not dilating... However, anesthesia came in and warned that if something did go wrong they would have to completely knock me out for the surgery and it was a higher risk for bad problems for Connor and myself.

I then learned they could hook up the epidural and push enough medicine to make sure it was working and then when it runs out you have the epidural placed in case of an emergency, but you still feel everything. So, I decided to be safe because of the risk of Connor's placenta tearing away since we weren't 100% sure of why I was bleeding with my water being broken. It was nice to get some relief even if it was only for an hour and the epidural wasn't horrible.

At this point my nurses were allowed to check me and it wasn't really seeming like the pitocin was doing anything. I begged my nurses to try to get my water to break more because with Kael and Eden I had a huge gush and a few hours later I had full blown contractions. They certainly helped out and it was super painful. Then, the pitocin kicked in and the contractions really were intense! My doctor came around noon and told me I hadn't progressed at all... NOT good.

She agreed to let me keep trying until she got done with clinic at 5 and then she would come back and check me again and if I hadn't changed at all we would go do the c-section, but if I progressed we would keep trying through the night. So, labor on I did...

It was a long day. My friend Lisa came and was able to stay with us from around 3 pm to having Connor. It was a HUGE help having someone talk through my contractions. 

At this point at 5 I hadn't eaten anything in 24 hours, I didn't sleep much the night before and contractions were kicking my butt quite literally.

Dr. Shah came back in and gave me the news I didn't want to hear... It was time for a c-section. I had not progressed at all the entire time I was hooked up to the pitocin and my time clock had run out. It was devastating.

I agreed to go ahead with the c-section because it was the safest option at this point and it was time.

So, here we go again.

Last pregnancy photo before Connor came. I would have preferred a standing up, but at this point it was a crazy hot mess about to head to surgery and I had been hooked up to pitocin for a good 11 hours.

My husband may work an insane amount of hours, but at this point in my life I couldn't be more grateful that he was a doctor. The anesthesiologist switched up right before the surgery. I had a new one come in and make a game plan. Unfortunately, that entailed pulling out my epidural and doing a spinal instead. WHAT?! I wasn't the happiest, but Derek was there and because he was a doctor they let him hold me down because at this point I was a mess. Everything happened so fast as it does. I was exhausted and had to drink the bitter drink of death before the surgery (orange liquid to make you not throw up but really makes you want to throw up after not having any food in 24 hours). Then, I just lost it. I was still feeling contractions and decided I was done if I had to have surgery then they better make it STOP and stop now, which it didn't. I was freaked out and just not handling life well at the time. Then, before I knew what was up I was being wheeled to the operating room and the anesthesia guy wasn't going to let Derek hold me for the spinal. Derek was awesome and pulled a little rank and I might have been a jerk at the guy. "He is a stinking anesthesiology resident and you won't let me hold me!?" Ya...

All things considered while his personality didn't mesh his skills were top notch.

The surgery began and it wasn't minutes until I got to hear Connor's amazing little cry. I was so nervous I wouldn't hear him cry. The NICU team came in first thing in the morning and went over just about every possibility. We got a really good outcome. I was so tired, and so done, but so over joyed he was ok. He cried and that made it all ok. They delayed cutting the cord for a minute and actually counted it out and were just holding him and loving him hearing him cry before they passed him to the NICU team. Derek was able to snap pictures. Then, my friend Lisa was able to come sit by me while Derek went with the NICU team to take care of Connor. It wasn't that long, but I was so grateful Lisa decided to come visit me and that she was able to stay for as long as she did. It helped me so much. After the surgery was done the anesthesiologist was able to do a regional block on my incision to help with my pain recovery. Best thing ever and now I want Derek to do a fellowship on this because it was so beneficial!

Lisa and I waited in the hall for what seemed forever for the spinal to wear off and Derek to get back. When Derek got back, Lisa was able to get back to her family and Derek stayed with me until my spinal wore off. Once I could move my legs they were able to wheel me to go visit Connor for the first time at his room.

Connor Everett Bradley

7:49 PM

5 lb 2 oz

17.5 inch

34 weeks

I finally got to touch my little boy. Everyone was shocked he was so big for 34 weeks. When people asked how big he was they are shocked that he needed to go to the NICU. He was small for me. It was hard not knowing how to help him. I wasn't really allowed to disturb him because he needed to rest and grow still. That night he got a feeding tube, IV, oxygen and monitors.

The first night was long, but we did it and I learned once again... I can do hard things. Our family can do hard things.